May 19 (airplane JNU to SEATAC)

Funny to leave Juneau on a day like May 19th: Everyone barbequing, smiling in the sun, all of the kidless Thirty-somethings playing kickball and drinking cheap booze, unnaturally happy in JUNEAU of all places...and then my BFF and Caroline seeing me off to the airport, a long awkward wait in line followed by a painful rush to the plane that sat there for an additional half an hour.

And here I go with my show, my dog, and a few of my favorite shirts in tow. In the tradition of little Clown Camp opening circle ritual, just what ARE my hopes and fears for this six month odyssey?

FEARS, first: that THEY (whoever ‘they’ are) won’t like my show, that I haven’t rehearsed my show enough, that you’re supposed to have rehearsed a show like this till my Clown nose breaks, till it’s PERFECT. That I’ll get lonely on the road and that the decision to go alone was the Wrong one. That I won’t make new friends and/or I won’t keep in contact with the friends that I DO make. That Pea will get hurt. That I’m over stretching myself as an artist: Big Fish leaves Small Pond and is eaten by Bigger Fish in Huge Ocean. That I’ll shed my Fish Skin just detach from the Food Chain all together and feel to comfortable to go back to the Small Pond of Juneau. Or that I’ll really want to go back to Juneau. Or that I’ll continue Not Knowing where my place is in the world.
(seems to be a theme of impermenance and perfection here)

HOPES.
That I will somehow embrace my situation of being On The Road. That I will find a way to travel gracefully and graciously. That I can use this time of being Alone to learn to be friends with myself and learn some good ‘ol self-dependence.That I can stay connected with my Juneau Peeps AND be open to letting in New People (can there BE more fabulous people in the world? HEY! That’s a fear! Back to Hopes!) That I can serve this show whole-heartedly and Get Out of the Way and let it be, AND that I do the work that it asks me to do. That my relationship with my dog deepens. That I can garner the attention for my show that it needs: Audiences, Reviews (good ones). That I can, again, be graceful and gracious when things don’t go Peachy. And if they do, that I can be Humble. That I can be open to Going for the Ride.

Sigh. Tall Order. But manageable. And good to see it all before me. Now To Work. �